In loss we find strength

It has been exactly one week today since my family lost something so precious to us, it has been a rough week to get through, but we have gained a strength in this that we never knew was possible to have. We found out we were pregnant on December 5th 2012 and while it was a total surprise we were looking forward to adding another little angel to our family. Through it all I never really felt pregnant, other than being tired, I didn't have any of the other symptoms like I had with our daughter and in a way I was excited to not be sick but at the same time I was worried that something might be wrong. Our first doctors appointment was scheduled for January 21st 2013 and on that day I would of been 12 weeks pregnant, this was a lot longer of a wait than what we had with Amelia. On Wednesday January 16th I started to have bleeding and so worried and not knowing what to do Zach, Amelia, and I drove to San Angelo to go to the emergency room. When we arrived there both of our parents were there as well as our doulas, Pam and Evelyn, it was a long two hours before they took us back to even be seen by the dr but in there things started to get a little more scary for me, I started to have more intense cramping and I could just feel that things were not going to get better. We finally left the ER at around 3:30am and went to Zach's parents house for the night, i will never forget what happened after that. We lost our precious baby on Thursday January 17th 2013. That was and still is the hardest thing I have ever gone through, there are feelings and emotions that a parent should never have to endure and yet it happens so much more than anyone truly realizes. We buried our precious angel baby on Sunday January 20th 2013 and for my husband and I that is something we never want to have to do again. Through all of this though I as well as my husband have found a strength that could only have come from our Heavenly Father who in the hard and the good times is always there to hold our hand or to carry us when we cannot walk through it ourselves. One thing I know to be true is nothing that I did had anything to do with what happened and that was a struggle for me to finally realize because it was my body that rejected this pregnancy, but I can say that our papa was the first to see and hold our precious baby and he is walking our angel baby through the streets of heaven and our baby has already had the privilege we all dream of and sat at the feet of Jesus. I know before I looked forward to going to heaven and now I do even more so that I too can hold my precious angel baby. We found this quote during all of this and I believe it to be true " an angel in the book of life wrote down my baby's birth and as she closed the book she whispered ' to beautiful for earth'" I know that to be true and I look forward to seeing our baby in heaven.